Exploring Acceptance and Growth

Christin Marvin 0:08

Hi everybody and welcome to the no Hesitations podcast . I'm your host , Christin Marvin . With Solutions by Christin , I partner with companies to accelerate their leadership development internally so they can increase retention and operate thriving businesses . I talk about all things leadership , successes , challenges and every topic in between , with the goal of helping you become a better leader . Subscribe or follow and join the conversation each week wherever you find your podcast , because there's no time like the present to listen in and level up . Today , we've got an incredible guest joining the show , Tatiana Timmins . Welcome , so excited to have you here . We are going to be jumping into a coaching session today . Tatiana and I have been working together for quite some time and we always have a blast together when we do this , so can't wait to introduce you to some more coaching today .

Christin Marvin 1:02

Tat is a program specialist within learning and organizational development with the Eliassen Group . She started as a recruiter associate , worked her way up to lead a recruiter and has made the switch to learning and organizational development in June of 2023 . Her mission is to empower and uplift new recruiters , equipping them with the skills to shine in their careers . Prior to the Eliassen Group , Tatiana was in the hospitality industry for 17 years . She's always had a deep passion for training and mentoring and empowering people in recognizing their truest potential . She lives in Denver , Colorado , with her husband and 65 plants . I did not know that value until just now . It's incredible . And she's always amazed by the incredible wonders of nature . And I will add that she does an incredibly stunning job of capturing those moments of nature and all its glory in her wonderful photos . So thanks for being here .

Tatiana Timmins 2:03

How are you ? Yeah , thank you so much , and I think I have probably like 64 plants . Now I need to update my LinkedIn profile , okay .

Christin Marvin 2:11

That's . I think I have 10 . So that's , that's incredible . They're a commitment for sure . Yeah , they're . They're beautiful . So welcome , Super , super excited . Anything you need before we get started .

Tatiana Timmins 2:23

Nope , I got my water , I got my stone and my fidget and I am good .

Christin Marvin 2:29

Okay , I love it . What is on your mind today ? Where ?

Tatiana Timmins 2:33

are we going , Goodness ? Um , well , I just got back from Boston . It's always such a high when I go out to Boston and , um , you know , I'm with my team . I get to be with my team , um , and and train some of the new recruiters coming in . So , um , yeah , that's . I'm just coming down off of a high right now . Um , where would you like to go , Nice ?

Christin Marvin 2:56

try , nice try . Say a little bit more about Boston . What's there for you in addition to your team ?

Tatiana Timmins 3:06

Yeah , um . Well , like I mentioned , I get to train new recruiters . This when I go to Boston twice a year , we um , like we're retraining people that have graduated the program , you know , six to 12 months after they graduated . Um , so it's just really exciting to be live and in person , rather than you know , seeing people through a video . Um , yeah , it's kind of like our quote unquote Disneyland , um , so I'm just , yeah , just just living on that high right now . How does it relate to Disneyland for you ? Um , because Disneyland is fun and it's exciting . What else ? Um , there's definitely roller coasters . Um , you just get this adrenaline when you , when you get to teach people , um , which is what I really love .

Christin Marvin 4:07

What does that adrenaline feel like for you , emotionally , physically , um ?

Tatiana Timmins 4:12

heart pounding Um happiness , joy .

Christin Marvin 4:20

Yeah , I don't know , your eyes are kind of I know listeners can't see this , but your , your eyes are kind of wondering off up and to the , to the left a little bit . What are you ? What are you looking for ?

Tatiana Timmins 4:32

Um answers . It's like I I've learned that I really just like I have to like think about what I want to say before I say it . I can't just like come up with something like quickly , and so when I look up , um , I'm , I'm searching my brain for , for answers .

Christin Marvin 4:59

How does it serve you to slow down and search for answers before you speak ?

Christin Marvin 5:10

I mean it helps me to not say things that I regret , not that I would say anything that I regret right now , right Cause like we're talking about something like really exciting , but um , yeah , we have talked about this subject quite a bit over the course of the last year that we've been working together and you having having a hard time finding words has been , in my experience with you , very frustrating . You've been challenging yourself , kind of beating yourself up about that . Yeah , something's changing here .

Tatiana Timmins 5:47

Yeah , what is it ? Probably acceptance . Acceptance of like who I am as a human being and like being okay with that . Um , yeah , I I was very judgmental of myself . I think that I've like started to soften a lot this year . I've noticed a lot of softening , um , you know , since you and I have actually talked since January my goodness , it's been a year almost . Um , yeah , and there's , I mean just like an acknowledgement that like I am who I am and I'm trying to love myself through , through all of it , you know .

Christin Marvin 6:32

How has that softening kind of benefited you and changed who you are ?

Tatiana Timmins 6:38

It's definitely brought more confidence for sure , um , you know , confidence in in being able to like speak up for what I want , speak up for who I am . Yeah , this is hard , like beyond a podcast . It's really hard , what's hard about it . I'm picturing all of the humans listening , and maybe some of them know me and maybe some of them don't know me . But trying to find the right words , but then also finding the right words for myself , but not necessarily for other people , if that makes sense .

Christin Marvin 7:29

Yeah , how can you get present in this moment , right now ?

Tatiana Timmins 7:33

Well , that's why I have my fidget and my rock to help me remember to be present .

Christin Marvin 7:41

Who's here right now ?

Tatiana Timmins 7:45

You and me and my plants , yeah .

Christin Marvin 7:53

That is accepting that look like .

Tatiana Timmins 8:08

Goodness , I don't even know . I wanted to . It's funny because I want it to be good . I want what you have to share and say to be good . You know what do you want ? You can take out all of the you-knows too , because I say you know a lot , I've noticed I don't like to edit .

Christin Marvin 8:35

Let's talk about . I appreciate you thinking about me and what you want from me , but what do you want out of this time together ?

Tatiana Timmins 8:45

I mean , I love our conversations . I love that they just go to a place that I don't even know that they're going to go to when we talk , Because usually when we meet up , sometimes I have an idea of what I want to talk about , but I just like to flow with it . I feel like when we chat we really flow together . That's kind of what I want is just to see what comes up .

Christin Marvin 9:21

What's coming up now that you've said that ?

Tatiana Timmins 9:38

I don't know nothing really . I'm sorry , I feel so boring .

Christin Marvin 9:47

You're fine .

Tatiana Timmins 9:51

This is like really confronting , like being on a podcast is very confronting . I know that there's one or multiple saboteurs coming up for me right now . The judge definitely is like yo dude , what's going on ? Why are you getting uncomfortable right now ? We just got uncomfortable for the past three days . Give it a break , then maybe a little bit of fear as well as coming into this . I think live coaching is actually pretty cool because it brings up all of your saboteurs . It's kind of like public speaking Great .

Christin Marvin 11:01

What are you noticing now ?

Tatiana Timmins 11:05

I have gedacht players Warörtov who gotberg had . Yeah , I could recognize my associate son . Yeah , I'm definitely noticing a little bit of like imposter syndrome coming in and like thinking about like how I should be , or maybe not necessarily how I should be , but maybe how the world like perceives me to be .

Christin Marvin 11:43

Yeah , I don't know what's the opposite of the judge .

Tatiana Timmins 11:52

Acceptance .

Christin Marvin 11:57

Where's your level of acceptance right now ?

Tatiana Timmins 11:59

Probably like a 10 . Probably like a 10 .

Christin Marvin 12:00

Okay , that's like a two . This is also a reoccurring theme that continues to pop up for you , right ? Yeah , absolutely . Where do you want acceptance to be ?

Tatiana Timmins 12:37

It's funny , like what's coming up for me right now is when , like during one of our first conversations , I was talking about like this awkwardness and like we did talk about acceptance then too , and actually something that I was thinking about I remember a couple of weeks ago , when I made my appointment with you was accepting myself and my body as I grow older . Wow , so this whole conversation is going to be about acceptance . It's funny , like when I know that I have something to work on and I verbalize it . The universe is like here we go , let me put some obstacles in your path to help you learn this lesson really quickly or not quickly , but because it's been a year but just to help you learn this lesson a little bit more . And this is definitely like one of those like big obstacles that I am like moving through . I don't think . I think it's more of like moving through obstacles rather than overcoming obstacles .

Christin Marvin 14:06

What's the next thing about you moving through them rather than going over them ?

Tatiana Timmins 14:10

So I think moving through them , you like , you embody them , they become you , instead of like moving around them , like I imagine , like hopping over them and not like getting anything from them , but like when you move through them it's like they surround you .

Christin Marvin 14:35

Yeah , you're doing a lot Again . I know the listeners can't see this , but you're doing a lot with your hands right now and you're kind of visualizing what going through these obstacles is like . Is there an image or metaphor or color or something that you can put to that ?

Tatiana Timmins 14:48

Yeah , it kind of looks like just like a big rock , a big gray rock . I don't like a squishy rock , though , because you can't really go through a hard rock , but yeah , maybe like a darker gray squishy rock .

Christin Marvin 15:09

How tall is that rock ?

Tatiana Timmins 15:12

I mean I can jump over it . It's probably like five feet , I would say .

Christin Marvin 15:24

Where's the rock ?

Tatiana Timmins 15:25

In front of me .

Christin Marvin 15:27

Inside , outside , what's the environment like around you ? Just ?

Tatiana Timmins 15:31

white . It's just a blank canvas .

Christin Marvin 15:34

So it's just you and this five foot squishy rock , dark gray rock . There's nothing around you , it's just simply you against the obstacle .

Tatiana Timmins 15:41

Yeah .

Christin Marvin 15:45

How are you going to move through it ?

Tatiana Timmins 15:54

Why are you laughing ? Because I'm imagining the costume that I'm going to wear during my like , while I move through the rock . Let's talk about the costume . Okay , great , I'm wearing . I'm wearing a cape , like a superwoman cape , and red and blue are definitely my power color , power colors . Yeah , so I'm just going to power through this rock like I'm superwoman . Is that all you're wearing as a cape ?

Christin Marvin 16:32

No .

Tatiana Timmins 16:32

I got to wear clothes too .

Christin Marvin 16:34

What else ? What else makes your costume up ? Hmm , leather .

Tatiana Timmins 16:48

Like leather tights and boots . Like imagine , imagine superwoman . Have you seen superwoman ? Yeah , that Okay . Yeah , like badass woman charging through that rock .

Christin Marvin 17:07

What's your describe the charging ? What's your body language , what's your stance ?

Tatiana Timmins 17:14

Hmm , Like I can picture it . It's like a power stance , you know , like head held high , about to charge through , about to run through .

Christin Marvin 17:49

Will you embody this for me right now ? Can we do this stance together ? Sure , okay , okay , we're getting ready to charge . Show me the charge stance Okay , okay . So arms are up . One's in front of the other . Head is up , okay . Left foot is forward Okay . What are you looking at ? The rock . What's standing in between you and the rock right now ? Blank space . What else ?

Tatiana Timmins 18:27

Fear , but also I think no fear is not standing in front of me . Fear is standing like right behind me and she's like are you sure you want to do this , but I do .

Christin Marvin 18:43

It's interesting to me that fear is behind you . Is that fear pushing you ? No , I think that's fear . No , I think fear is trying to hold me back . Okay , so maybe hanging onto the cape .

Tatiana Timmins 18:57

No , she's just in my ear . Okay , like right behind me .

Christin Marvin 19:02

What do you know about fear from the conversations that we've had ?

Tatiana Timmins 19:07

That fear can actually be an ally too . In certain situations , fear can be a friend . I've actually learned to accept some of my fear and I've actually learned to recognize when fear comes up . My mom gave me a bracelet has a little fake shark tooth on it to remind me of our first conversation about fear , when we made it into a shark . I still have the shark on my desk , reminding me every day that fear is okay and fear can actually motivate you to do things as well . I think fear is healthy . If we didn't have fear , I mean , we wouldn't be alive , right , we would just do stupid things . Yeah , so I've learned to befriend my fear , and I think that's why she's behind me rather than standing in my way .

Christin Marvin 20:31

Great noticing . Yeah , let's charge through the rock .

Tatiana Timmins 20:36

What's on the other side . Okay , you know what's really funny . So we've been talking about this rock and this fear and everything , and I don't even remember what the obstacle was that we started talking about in the beginning , like it's just this like picture of a super Tatiana about to charge a rock , knowing that , like on the other side , is something amazing , but I don't even remember what the obstacle was .

Christin Marvin 21:18

Yeah , and I don't think the obstacle has to be one specific thing . It's just a metaphor for obstacles in your life in general . Yeah , okay , so what's on the other side ?

Tatiana Timmins 21:53

Definitely growth . Yeah , growth is on the other side , but no , maybe growth is like in it . There's a new version of myself is on the other side , because growth equals obstacle , growth equals pain , but on the other side of growth is liberation . There's a new way of seeing things perspective , maybe acceptance too .

Christin Marvin 22:46

So if acceptance was at a two earlier in the conversation , what number would you label acceptance as now ?

Tatiana Timmins 22:55

I definitely label it higher . Let's go . I like a six or a seven or the two numbers that are popping up in my head .

Christin Marvin 23:06

Why didn't you say four Because ?

Tatiana Timmins 23:08

that I don't know , it just doesn't . That number just didn't seem relevant at that time . Six and seven are the two numbers that , like I like , saw .

Christin Marvin 23:20

What does this new version of you feel like with acceptance at a six or seven ?

Tatiana Timmins 23:29

That I still have room to grow , but I'm making progress . That's kind of like how I see this entire year . I've definitely made a ton of progress this year . I do know there's always going to be room for growth , though I don't think I'll ever be at a 10 . I don't even think acceptance will be at a 10 ever .

Finding Happiness and Growth Through Change

Christin Marvin 24:00

Let's go back to that moment where you were just talking about how much progress you've made this year . There was a complete energy shift with you and your confidence . You had this like side smiles , smirk . Your confidence just really showed up . Say more about that progress .

Tatiana Timmins 24:16

Oh , my goodness . Well , I left a job that was no longer serving me . I am in this new position with these just badass bosses . I still wake up every day like pinching myself . My reality is this I'm kind of waiting to wake up from a dream . I just feel happy and content and excited and inspired for life . I've found my . I've re-found my creativity and my motivation to be with my friends and hang out with my friends on a regular basis .

Tatiana Timmins 25:22

Goodness , so much has changed this year . I've done a lot of like , a lot of personal growth , a lot of like personal development . You know , at the beginning of the year I was making a ton of money and I realized that money does not equal happiness . I always thought that , you know , like I make six figures and I'll get there and I'll get happy , and that just wasn't the case . Like I was miserable and so I took a pretty big pay cut in my job . I took about a $40,000 pay cut . I'm granted I was making commissions , but still like it was a pretty big pay cut and I don't think I've ever been happier . And so , like , realizing that and everything that I've like done this year , like that's what makes me smile , that's what makes me like just appreciate this journey that I've been on .

Christin Marvin 26:41

Is there some sadness or something coming up for you right now ?

Tatiana Timmins 26:48

No , I think it's more of like you want something for like a really really long time and you get that thing and then you just realize like it's not what you thought it was going to be , you know , and then you go back to wanting something . That's not what it was that you wanted . So , for example , like money right , my whole life I was like I want to make a ton of money , like money is going to make me happy , money is going to like fix all of my problems . I mean , yeah , I've hit off debt , which was fantastic and I'm super proud of myself for that . But man , just like live in the grind and losing myself in that process . Like , yeah , I made money , but I was miserable . And now , yeah , like I have to budget a lot more , which is fine because I learned how to do that right .

Tatiana Timmins 28:08

But I'm just I don't know like I just I feel so much better now than January 1st .

Christin Marvin 28:21

What do you need to accept in this moment , or want to accept , I should say , not need .

Tatiana Timmins 28:29

What do I want to accept in this moment ? What do I want to accept ? What do I want to accept in this moment ? Thanks for your patience . Thank you for your patience . Well , I want to accept this feeling . I want to like continue to have this feeling , you know , even when I'm farther into this position , knowing that I don't need a ton of money to survive . I don't need a ton of money to be happy . So I want to hold on to this .

Christin Marvin 30:23

Yeah , I just need to remember this what's something you want to do , a commitment you want to make to yourself in order to hold on to this acceptance ?

Tatiana Timmins 30:51

I need to remember it . Somehow I do want to commit to myself that if I do ever find myself in a position that doesn't serve me mentally or emotionally or even physically , that I can leave it and I can find something else that will help me to feel like this , because you never know , like you never know what's going to happen . You know , things could like I could get laid off tomorrow and I might have to find another job at some point . Like that's just the reality of it , and if I do ever find myself in a position that I was in before that , I have the power to change it .

Christin Marvin 31:57

What does that look like ?

Tatiana Timmins 32:01

What changing it Like ? Changing it Like if I were to be in a position that I was in before and I needed to change it like . What does it look like to change it ? How would you know ? Oh , I'd like have panic attacks . I'd cry .

Christin Marvin 32:16

So panic attack is a trigger for you physically , absolutely . Yeah , that something needs to change . Yeah , absolutely , because you had panic attacks in the beginning when we were meeting yeah , and now they're gone .

Tatiana Timmins 32:31

Yeah , Ah , I haven't had a panic attack in like I don't know how long , at least since May .

Christin Marvin 32:44

So let's put some action to this . What commitment do you want to make to yourself if you have a panic attack ?

Tatiana Timmins 32:52

Get the fuck out . Excuse my language Get out . What does that mean ? Like I can't stay there . Like , whatever I'm in , I know that that's like my body and my soul telling me that this is not the right place for you . So I need to honor that and I need to get out and do something else , look for something else , because I think that there's a difference between , like the good fear and the fear . That's like trying to like tell you something , like shake you and wake you up , and I think I understand , like , what both of those fears are .

Christin Marvin 33:34

So if you have a panic attack and you use that as a trigger , are you going to immediately quit your job , or is that going to trigger you to start looking for something , or what does that trigger ? What kind of action is that trigger going to set into place for you ?

Tatiana Timmins 33:50

So I think that depends , though , right , because , like , is it one panic attack or is it like , were other things happening to elicit that panic attack ? I definitely have to see , like , how my energy was , so I'd also be too tired to do anything , be too tired to do yoga , be too tired to hang out with friends , be too tired to do the things that bring me joy , so all of that together . Then I would have to look and be like , okay , this is not for me .

Christin Marvin 34:32

And is this something you can do on your own , or do you need an accountability partner ?

Tatiana Timmins 34:41

I could definitely recognize it on my own . I guess in that moment I might need an accountability partner , because I would definitely seek advice from friends or coaches .

Christin Marvin 34:58

Yeah , somebody that you would seek advice from specifically .

Tatiana Timmins 35:03

I have a couple of really good girlfriends . Well , first and foremost Pete's my husband , but then I have a couple of really good girlfriends that I could seek advice from , for sure .

Christin Marvin 35:13

What would it look like for you to have a conversation with them after this call and say hey , I recognize that panic attacks trigger some things off . If I ever have one again , can I let you know and will you help me get curious about what's going on in my life and what needs to change ?

Tatiana Timmins 35:33

Yeah , absolutely . They would put on their boots and their capes and superwoman costumes and stand right next to me .

Christin Marvin 35:43

And then you could figure out how to get through that rock .

Tatiana Timmins 35:45

Yeah , with some friends .

Christin Marvin 35:48

Okay , I think we're there . Yay , do you agree Anything else you need ? No , I definitely think that we're there . Thank you so much . This is always so fun . You lean into this so hard and it's always a blast to play around and visualize with you , and it's an honor to work with somebody who is just so committed to personal development , and you've been on such an incredible journey and it's been absolutely a blast to be honest with you , so thank you for that .

Tatiana Timmins 36:26

Thank you . It's definitely been a blast with you as well . Absolutely .

Christin Marvin 36:31

Okay , we are going to wrap up this show , then . Everybody subscribe and listen each week wherever you find your podcasts , and be sure to follow me on LinkedIn at Kristen-Marvin , and subscribe to the Restaurant Solutions newsletter for more restaurant leadership tips . And if you're interested in coaching , feel free to call myself 719-494-6074 . Thanks , everybody , talk to you soon .